dear diary ..

Dear Diary, Let me tell u bout my story
I know it rather sad, but that's the way i feel
Dear Diary, I dont know if this is right or not
Started thinking of leaving him, but im afraid it might hurt him
all I want is for everything in the right place
so everyone is happy
Is that too much too ask for?
Dear diary, Strong is not exactly the right word
Started thinking of leaving him, but im afraid it might hurt him
All i want is for everything in the right place
So everyone is happy
Is that too much too ask for?
Dear diary, I dont know what to do now
Confusion is all over me

Disini di rumah ke 2 gw, buka laptop, buka playlist, eh yang ke play lagu-lagu mellow. Terusin aja deh, lagunya enak udah lama gak di dengerin. Kok di dengerin makin lama malah makin di hayati ya. Kok tiba-tiba keinget Love story, dan tiba-tiba terbesit wajahnya. HEY! Kenapa jadi GALAU??! I hate it.

LOVE.. i never trust this word after that broke up. Yes, it was almost 3 years ago. Woww.. But i still remember that. even now, i have a man who better and lovable i never had. But, he is far away from me. LDR or Long Distance Relationship. I did it. I took that risk. I knew all the risks if I took it. I just let it flow for my relationship with him. Yes, I have been adult and mature. I must be strong than me before. After a long long time I feel this LDR, firstly, I felt I was okay and comfort. But several days ago and currently, I feel lil' different. I think It call the point of saturated. :( Hmmm.. I totally dont feel a true love here. I can't always standing here for I dont know how many times for waiting u come here. Ok, probably it is necessary to though that. But, How you happy IF a someone u loved is always beside you and hug you and hold you and love you closely Everytimes and almost everyday? Do u like it? do u want it? everyone wants it. inc me. but now, I have a contrast situation. And i was being selfish, looks like dont care wif u. As u know, That's my character if I saturated wf something. I just want my self got better without thinking his feeling. I apologize, I am mess.
You know, When I love someone, i try my best so that I cant lose him. But once again, it is different. i cant lie my heart, that I love you but it cant work like what we want. i dont know what call it is. Just, no one doesnt understand this feeling..
i totally regret, totally dispointed wif myself. never change. never be better about this thing. i accepted u, because i though u're better. yes u are. but not for this times. I really want to tell u about my mind. but i just cant do that. always.. because of ur kindness, ur loves, ur attention, ur patience are means much for me. I dont want to hurt u if i say all my feelings. I several times tried to not to think about it, and try to forget it. but i cant lie.. i dont brave to say, so i write it in blog.
I hope, when u read it, u understand, and dont ask me what i want. because however i cant tell it even u force me..